Tell Me I Can't Do It, I'll Prove You Wrong

Everything great I did in my life, was because someone told me I couldn't. I was told I would never make a good mother, I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job. I was told I would never amount to anything, I graduated college with honors and landed a full time job as an Addiction Counselor. I was told I'd never stop partying, I prefer snuggling with my baby (in fact, if I do go out, I don't even know what to do or how to act anymore). I always told myself I would never be happy, my family is the best reason for my happiness.  Proving people wrong gives me the greatest joy.  It makes me feel alive when I can prove to people that something they believe about me or life is wrong.  Not for the sake of proving someone wrong, but for the simple fact of showing that there is more to me than my past.  Just because I haven't always made the right decisions in my past does not mean that I cannot move past that.

Working in the Addiction field, I have realized that I cannot have that mentality.  When my clients fail, I feel like I fail.  I feel as though, when everyone told me that this client couldn't make it, I had to prove they could.  But when they fail, it is as if I failed.  I know I cannot think like this, but it's hard.  I want to prove to people that they are not just addicts that there is so much more to them.  But at some point, I have to realize that my client's succcess' or failures are not because of me, but because of their own strengths and desires.  I guess I've just watched too many of my friends and family get so wrapped up in their addictions, with some of them losing their lives to the battle, that I just don't want to see anyone else lose everything to.  It's the nature of the illness.  If it's not taken care of, it will kill you. 

I have so many clients that feel as though they have been abandoned.  I don't want to be just another person to let them down.  This is what I have the hardest part overcoming.  I want to prove my clients wrong and my co-workers wrong.  But that's not how this works.  That's not how addiction works.  I think this has been my wake up call that the addiction field is not one I should be trying to conquer.  Maybe management is a better fit for me.  I can't save everyone, and I want to.  Maybe it is time to move on and try something new.

I am just greatful that all the times I have managed to prove everyone wrong, has been a great motivator for me to make something better for myself.  I've been pushed down all my life, and fighting back with amazing resilence has given me great pride in all that I do.  So keep 'em coming.  Keep telling me I can't do something because one day, I'll prove to you that I can.  I'll prove to you how strong I am.  And I'll be okay, if I don't.  But I will try like hell with a desire and passion that you have never seen.

"The biggest mistake people make in life isnot trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy."  -Malcolm Forbes