I forgive you. I am letting go of all the anger that I have been allowing to take over everything I do. I need to let go of all the hurt and pain that has been caused. It is time to close the book on my past and start a new one.
I forgive you for giving me an alcoholic father. I forgive you for allowing me to be molested. I forgive you for allowing me to be sexually assualted. I forgive you for allowing me to become an alcoholic. I forgive you for letting me try to kill myself. I forgive you for the feelings of worthlessness that I have carried with me since I was young. I forgive you.
It is time to move on. The hurt, the anger, the depression, the hate, were never going to get me anywhere. It was all holding me back.
Thank you for giving me an alcoholic father. My father showed me that when you want something bad enough, you can achieve it (11 years of sobriety!!!). Thank you for allowing me to be molested. I learned that I am better than him and that I am strong enough to move past it. Thank you for allowing me to be sexually assualted. I learned that the wrong choices in life can lead you down a dark and dangerous road. Thank you for allowing me to have my own battles with alcohol. I learned that I can make friends without it. Thank you for allowing me to try to kill myself. I have an amazing life that I could never have had if I had succeeded. Thank you for all the feelings of worthlessness. Today, I can look at myself and know that I am stronger than all of my past.
I knew that my life was becoming better, but I needed someone to open my eyes. I needed someone to grab ahold of me and shake the hell out of me. Taking Group at school is the greatest experience of my life. If I walk away from that class with nothing else, I have a better understanding of myself and my life. I have a better understanding of people as a whole. You really can't judge a book by it's cover. And I am also walking away, with some of the greatest friends.
I will always wear my scars proudly. I can never erase them from my life. They are all events of my past that have helped to mold me into who I am. But it's time to move past them. It is time to start creating a new life with my child and my husband. A less angry life. A happier life. A more fulfilled life. I like smiling when I wake up, and before I go to bed. I love holding my daughter and even in her crying fits have the strength to just calmly soothe her. I love being able to talk to my husband and not yell. I love that I am finally finding myself.
Scars are forever. How you allow them to effect you is proof of moving on.
"There are only two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." --Albert Einstein
