Cloth Diaper Giveaway from Cloth Diaper Geek!

I'm usually not a huge fan of posting giveaways on my blog, however, these are soo adorable, I couldn't resist!  These cloth diapers are from Go Green Pocket Diapers.  They are absolutely awesome.  I think they just made me become a cloth diaper mama when #2 gets here!

Here's the Giveaway! :

http://clothdiapergeek.blogspot.com/2011/03/giveaway-and-review-of-gogreen-champ.html#comment-form

Seriously, check it out. 


PS-> WE'RE GOING TO BE TRYING FOR #2 in JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell Me I Can't Do It, I'll Prove You Wrong

Everything great I did in my life, was because someone told me I couldn't. I was told I would never make a good mother, I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job. I was told I would never amount to anything, I graduated college with honors and landed a full time job as an Addiction Counselor. I was told I'd never stop partying, I prefer snuggling with my baby (in fact, if I do go out, I don't even know what to do or how to act anymore). I always told myself I would never be happy, my family is the best reason for my happiness.  Proving people wrong gives me the greatest joy.  It makes me feel alive when I can prove to people that something they believe about me or life is wrong.  Not for the sake of proving someone wrong, but for the simple fact of showing that there is more to me than my past.  Just because I haven't always made the right decisions in my past does not mean that I cannot move past that.

Working in the Addiction field, I have realized that I cannot have that mentality.  When my clients fail, I feel like I fail.  I feel as though, when everyone told me that this client couldn't make it, I had to prove they could.  But when they fail, it is as if I failed.  I know I cannot think like this, but it's hard.  I want to prove to people that they are not just addicts that there is so much more to them.  But at some point, I have to realize that my client's succcess' or failures are not because of me, but because of their own strengths and desires.  I guess I've just watched too many of my friends and family get so wrapped up in their addictions, with some of them losing their lives to the battle, that I just don't want to see anyone else lose everything to.  It's the nature of the illness.  If it's not taken care of, it will kill you. 

I have so many clients that feel as though they have been abandoned.  I don't want to be just another person to let them down.  This is what I have the hardest part overcoming.  I want to prove my clients wrong and my co-workers wrong.  But that's not how this works.  That's not how addiction works.  I think this has been my wake up call that the addiction field is not one I should be trying to conquer.  Maybe management is a better fit for me.  I can't save everyone, and I want to.  Maybe it is time to move on and try something new.

I am just greatful that all the times I have managed to prove everyone wrong, has been a great motivator for me to make something better for myself.  I've been pushed down all my life, and fighting back with amazing resilence has given me great pride in all that I do.  So keep 'em coming.  Keep telling me I can't do something because one day, I'll prove to you that I can.  I'll prove to you how strong I am.  And I'll be okay, if I don't.  But I will try like hell with a desire and passion that you have never seen.

"The biggest mistake people make in life isnot trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy."  -Malcolm Forbes

The Lovely Aroma of Vomit

Tuesday night I get a phone text from the babysitter telling me Ri had been throwing up.  I know AJ should already have picked her up, so I quickly dial his number.  "She's been throwing up since she came home.  I'm holding her.  It's the only thing keeping her from freaking out."  Thoughts run through my mind, 'get home.  Somehow, make this hour drive shorter!'  Ten minutes into my hour drive home, my heart starts pounding.  There is a sickening feeling in my stomach.  It is a terrifying drive home as I know I am an hour away from my poor sick baby and there is nothing I can do for her.  I am well aware that she is in safe hands, AJ is home with her.  But that doesn't distract this feeling that is yanking at my heart and twisting it apart.  'Stupid job.  Stupid drive home!'  The last ten minutes home were the worst.  I see the familiar lights, the familiar signs.  Usually at this point in my drive, I am relieved to be so close to home.  On this night, it seems so far.

I get home, and Ri quickly jumps into my arms.  A calm sets in.  My sick baby is in my arms and her mommy is going to make it better.  We sleep on the floor in the living room that night.  Maybe more so for my anxiety than fear of anything happening to the baby, but my mom always babied me when I was a child, and I plan on doing the same to my little one.  Every cough, every moan, every strange noise jolts me from a sound sleep to ensure that she is not choking on her vomit.  I wake up as AJ is leaving for work.  Our original plan was that since my first two clients of the day had cancelled, I'd go in late to work and AJ would come home early to care for our sick little one.  He sees how exhausted I am, and doesn't question that I plan on staying home with Ri in the morning. 

Cleaning up puke, changing runny diapers and dealing with the crankiness was all worth the short cuddling time I got to spend with Ri.  She slept in my arms most of the day, and despite the circumstances, it was such a wonderful feeling.  Well... it was... until about 3 in the afternoon when the stomach flu hit me.  Within an hour, I was calling AJ begging him to come home and care for his two sick girls.  Being the amazing husband and father he is, he came home, sent me to bed, and cared for Ri.  Eventually, by the end of the night I made my way back downstairs and helped him as his level of patience is only a quarter fraction of what mine had become. 

Thursday was much of the same.  Ri and Mommy cuddled on the couch, sipping clear liquids and taking naps together.  It may not have been the ideal situation, but spending two days snuggling on the couch with my little baby girl renewed my feelings of why I always wanted to be a mommy.  Listening to her breathe softly on my chest, snoring so loud at times it would jerk me from my slumber, put me at a peace I haven't felt in a long time.  Two days filled of vomit filled garbage bags, couches and carpets of a terrible odor that will take weeks to get out, and lots and lots of crankiness were two of the greatest days of my Mommy Life.  As I sit here typing this, I'm laughing.  I can still smell the horrid smell in my living room, but I'm strangely okay with it.  It reminds me of the time I got to spend cuddling with my busy busy child. 

It's funny how the strangest things can make you happy.  In a few days, I won't remember the hell this flu put Ri and me through, but I will always remember the closeness it gave us.  I am happy to report that by today, Friday, we are both flu free and doing much better.  And actually, taking two days off of work, I've noticed Ri has developed skills we'd been working on for months.  Makes me think about things. . . but that's for another day.

"Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they their own."  - Aristotle